SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi,

So I've seen a few posts about people and identifying the affair partner.

I've been cheated on before, 2/3 times and I've always known who it was and that has made me obsess over the other person and constantly check up on them. To an unhealthy obsession.

This time, I told my partner that I did not want to know who this woman is. I don't know her apparently as I did ask if I had met her/worked with her etc before. All I know is someone I know, knows her friend. I just want to avoid my unhealthy obsession by not knowing, by comparing myself to them, for my own mental health.

Did anyone else not want to know?

I would say most people who are the betrayed would want to know.

The first OW pretended to be my friend.

The second was some random drama Queen "oh my life sucks" millenial he met in a bar.

Funny how the only thing she had on me was she was 20 years younger. He absolutely affaired down lol.

Didn’t stop the obsession for a few months.

So you'd be ok with being complicit with the A and not informing OBS?

Informing the OBS isn't a form of punishment. It allows them to make informed decisions on their life choices with the truth.

Adam Levine admitted to cheating on his wife, who used to be a Victoria's Secret underwear model. How do you compare to that? And yet, she was still a victim of infidelity.

The cheater has a broken moral compass and it doesn't appear to matter who their spouse is, they will still cheat.

For me not knowing who the AP was made me look at every woman and think "is that the AP? Is she the one?" So I obsessed over half the population. Once she was named, it allowed me to exist in public without that continuous level of tension and start getting on with my life (while obsessing about her for a while…. Eventually I stopped giving her any more space in my brain).

Truth Hurts
Lies Devastate
The Unknown is Torture

As for comparing yourself to the AP - STOP. Just STOP. I know. Gently, I do know easier said than done. But seriously - STOP.

Some of the most beautiful women in the world have been victims of infidelity. I, myself, am a BASGU of a woman [Bad Ass Sparkly Goddess Unicorn], described as a Modern Day Marilyn - unable to go anywhere without total strangers coming up to me and complimenting me on my looks, body, etc. I'm considered a Goddess among women and a total whole package. Yet here I am on SI as a Betrayed Spouse.

IDGAF if you look like Marilyn reincarnate or Jabba the Hut - it has nothing to do with you. I'll say it louder for people in the back. IT. HAS. NOTHING. TO. DO. WITH. YOU. Anyone claiming otherwise is a liar and a coward.

It has everything to do with the one who cheated - every fucking thing. Instead of fixing what was broken [or felt broken] inside them they chose to just spread that toxicity around like sprinkles on a donut.

Hold your head high Sophielou. You are a woman of character. AP was just desperate enough to be someone's receptacle - just another side of the road trash can you throw shit in and then keep on going. Except the trash can has far more value.