chasingstars (original poster new member #85373) posted at 8:05 AM on Monday, July 27th, 2026
Hi, first post here.
I am 19 months post dday3 and hopefully in R. I am married 23 years have two teenage boys.
My W had an affair with a childhood sweetheart. She actually told me in about march 2023 that he has been in touch because his dad has passed away. My father has also passed way so I just said that is sad, I didn’t think I had to say to not stay in touch.
Dday1 about a year later I had totally forgotten about him getting in touch. My gut feeling was screaming something was wrong. Treating me like a friend not a husband. I tried looking at her phone but WhatsApp was facelocked. It took about 3 weeks trying when one day I wasn’t going straight to work as i had a dental appt so she was in the shower. I was still home (her phone never left her) . I got on to WhatsApp and saw evidence. I confronted her, she said they had only been in touch a short while and she would end it and stay with me.
Dday2 about 5 months later and she was starting to carry her phone all the time. Again gut feeling screaming something wrong. She hid things well she was careful when she sent messages , only used. WhatsApp and deleted them all. However I went through the phone bill and noted all calls to numbers I didn’t recognise. When my gut said something was wrong one of the things I would do was phone the numbers. This day one of them went through to his work voicemail… busted.
She again promised me she would end it. I was persuaded to try again.
Dday3 a number of months later and my gut feeling was at times ok but at others times my "spidey senses" would tingle. This time a VAR in the car caught her. The discussions with him were quite stained and I felt their relationship was not great. Rightly or wrongly i have given her one more chance.
So my question is that now 19 months later my gut feeling at times says something is off. Now maybe it could be that my gut is saying I should have given up on the marriage?
One of the things I did before was keep notes on what I thought was suspicious and there are things now.
Thank you for your time, my question is can your gut feeling be wrong maybe because I spent so long on high alert previously?
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 9:44 AM on Monday, July 27th, 2026
I’d trust your inner voice. You have not been wrong so far.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
chasingstars (original poster new member #85373) posted at 11:02 AM on Monday, July 27th, 2026
Thanks for The reply 1stwife.
Through all of this she has never really admitted anything other than when I have irrefutable evidence. After dday3 she did tell me a lot of things she hadn’t before, secrets he wouldn’t want me to know and a lot of the story. That said even with that effort to take me in to the circle of trust she could still always change her mind and go back to him!
I think what I am asking is, if I follow my gut feeling what does that look like. I have told her that my gut feeling is that something is going on but she just reassures me that isn’t the case. The only think I can think of is to suggest a separation or D but that would be just on gut feeling. Is it enough to suggest separation?
The VAR hasn’t picked anything up but I believe she knows it is there now.
Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 12:55 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2026
OP
You're standing on the tracks and an Express Passenger train is coming. Are you going to stay on the tracks?
Or get off the tracks to save yourself?
Utoob has some gross videos of what happens to bodies that don't get off tracks in time-
There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."
