Letmebefrank ( member #86994) posted at 12:47 PM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2026
Good luck on the conversation and the surgery!
HouseOfPlane ( member #45739) posted at 2:47 PM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2026
I remember reading your thread and thinking, "well at least he’s not having dental surgery". 
Best of luck with your discussion and your procedure!
DDay 1986: R'd, it was hard, hard work.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" ― Mary Oliver
gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 12:42 AM on Sunday, July 26th, 2026
How was the marriage before the affair. I ask this as believe, without much evidence, that sometimes the better the marriage was, the worse the chances of reconciliation. We had a great marriage, and I knew that after her affair it could never be as good. When you see the success stories here, often the affair takes place in a bad marriage and the affair becomes the catalyst for getting it back on track and marriage 2.0 is better.
I’ve seen a number of situations with such a pattern. Especially when the betrayed spouse had some kind of significant issue, like alcohol/drug abuse, workaholics who neglected their family, etc. None of that warrants adultery by their spouse but it legit seems to be correlated to a better future chance at R. The betrayed understands they didn’t deserve betrayal, but willingly make a positive change in themselves as well. It seems to help that they can see an issue in themselves led to a poor marriage environment. No, this isn’t universal ofc, but I’ve seen enough cases to see a pattern.
ForceOfWill (original poster new member #79729) posted at 8:11 AM on Sunday, July 26th, 2026
The conversation is going to have to wait until after the surgery. I don't really have a lot of people to talk to about this.
