10 years together and 3 children.
It was a normal day and my W took the kids out to play at the park.
The kids have a tablet which is linked to W's account and has her camera roll synced. I sometimes look through the photos of the kids and happened to this afternoon.
I found a photo of a Chat GPT conversation she was having. Chat GPT was laughing and saying that W was now considering marrying OP and importing him from across the world, and that she was considering what a wonderful partner he would be to our children.
My heart sank, I felt sick.
Checked deleted images - Nudes.
I called her and demanded an explanation. She said she couldn't do this now and hung up. She subsequently messaged me and owned up to everything, apologised I found out that way and that we would talk later when she was home.
Difficult to talk when you have three young children but we spoke briefly. She told me it had only been going on for two weeks and that she had not gone looking for it. She plays MMO games and met somehow online. They have never met in person and he lives thousands of miles away.
She told me he had made her realise what she was missing, that she hadn't been happy for a while but hadn't realised because raising 3 kids and two full time jobs is obviously very difficult on a relationship. She told me I was not happy as well and that I had not been emotionally supporting her. She told me she had real feelings for this person and that she didn't know if we had a future.
She then started laying into me, all my faults and that I needed to "Go away and work on myself" and we would see what happened - She did not agree to stop talking to OP who had clearly love bombed her.
I was calm and I listened, I didn't challenge anything, I was in shock.
Later that evening I sat her down and had a frank conversation. I explained that our relationship may not be perfect, that I may not be perfect, but that both were real, that out children were real. I told her whatever she was involved with online was a fantasy, cheap dopamine with no real life stressors attached. I told her it has to end and that we needed to go to couples therapy. She told me it was a risk to end it because she did not know if she could feel the same about me anymore.
The next day she was completely different, she apologised and told me that she had ended it and that her family was what was important to her. She hugged me and kissed me. That evening we slept together - I have read since about hysterical bonding.
Since then every day has been flip flopping, cold, distant, the next affectionate and kind, sex.
Sometimes she rolls over in bed and holds me tight, other nights she doesn't want to be touched.
I am distraught and don't know what to do. She agreed to couples therapy but makes no real effort or discussion about it, just told me to find some for her to look at.
I am obviously paranoid and not sure it is over with OP, she told me it was all on a chat programme and showed me OP was blocked. But I have subsequently discovered she had OP on WhatsApp as well, I also discovered she had changed her WhatsApp photo which was all of us with the kids to just the kids. She had also turned of her online status so I couldn't see she was on WhatsApp. Again she showed me OP blocked on WhatsApp but now I just don't believe anything.
I feel like I don't know W anymore as we always talked about how cheating was the worst thing you could do to someone and we would never do it to each other.
I feel like I am making new discoveries of the deceit every day and it is like a new knife wound.
She still talks about the future and even what she wanted from me for Christmas.
I am really struggling with the emotional disconnect and mourning the death of our relationship.
I have thrown myself into the gym and tried to keep busy, reclaim my old life somewhat which I had sacrificed for her and the children. But nothing takes away the pain.
It doesn't help she is back on her laptop and phone every night. She has ADHD so just needs constant dopamine hits.
I am just trying to survive at the moment.
I know I cannot put pressure on her but at the same time I cannot live in limbo.
